Author Archives: Dylan Levitt

Disclaimer: This isn’t a perfect post. And to be 100% honest, I only spent about 25 minutes on it (oh, and cried while putting together the first half and picking out the photo); plus, the only changes I made were grammatical ones. So, these are my feelings in real time, and as raw as theyContinue reading “Dear Dad, I Need You”

I guess I just want to know why. Why did he have to be taken from me? Why couldn’t the universe have spared that broken little boy any more pain? These are the questions that always seem to replay in my mind, almost like a malfunctioning clock. Constantly haunting me and hurting me, desperate to one day bring my body back downContinue reading “Just Take A Breath and Breathe”

Dear Dad, It’s been a while. I’m sorry. Life has been really busy—well, no, I shouldn’t lie. I mean, yes, life has been busy. However, that isn’t the whole truth.  The whole truth is that I’ve been… okay. My mind hasn’t brought me back to that day, at least not in the ways that leave me crying into my pillow,Continue reading “Dear Dad, Hi”

I miss him. I miss him so much, it’s like a barrel is resting on my shoulders. And I miss his love. His laughter. And the way he used to wrap me in his arms after a golf win. But more importantly, I miss the person I used to be before the pain of losingContinue reading “I Just…Miss You and Me”

I think I’m broken. Or, at least, a part of me is. I keep finding myself in situations where it feels as though I’m standing in quicksand. Where the weight of the universe is pulling me down, despite my great efforts to keep my body from going under. But no matter how much force IContinue reading “At Some Point, the Dam Breaks”

I don’t feel like I deserve happiness. And I know that sounds crazy. I mean, everyone deserves happiness. However, I really don’t think I do. I don’t think I do at all. And it took me a while to piece together why. Why I can never let myself embrace any good that comes my. WhyContinue reading “Why Me? Yes You”

For a while, I hid. I told myself that I was alright. I covered the pain in counterfeit smiles and fabricated laughs because I was too ashamed to admit that the grief was too heavy a weight for my young shoulders to carry and I was starting to become unbalanced. Because, at the end ofContinue reading “I Was Just A Child”

“I’m not ready to say goodbye.” I’ve heard this a lot recently. This idea that finality is something we can get ‘ready’ for, that one day we can just go ahead and make the decision to leave behind someone or something that we love as if the weight of that isn’t so goddamn heavy. IContinue reading “Heaven Bound”

Dear [name of person lost], I’m afraid that time will take you from my memories and force the universe to replace the missing weight with someone new. I’m afraid I’ll forget the way your eyes would light up and sparkle when you laughed with your whole chest since it’s just been so long; I thinkContinue reading “I Don’t Want You to Disappear”

But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself. Albert Camus Guilt was like a suffocating blanket I couldn’t shed, a piece of me that clung to my body like second skin. I believed that he died because I wasn’t smart enough to see the warning signs, and that ifContinue reading “Learning How to Un-Hate Myself”

If you desire to make a difference in the world, you must be different from the world. Elaine S. Dalton Lately, I have been doing a lot of reflecting. About the past, present, and even the future. And the biggest takeaway I have gathered is to never let someone else make you into a versionContinue reading “Be You Always”

I’ve heard it from strangers around the world. I’ve heard it from my inner circle. And it feels nice; really, it does. It makes me think I’ve done a real good job disguising the lesions someone else’s decisions have added to my skin. Hell, it makes me delusional enough to believe I could win anContinue reading “I Had No Choice”

About 30 minutes ago, I went on TikTok and decided to participate in some trend where a filter “predicts” what your 2024 is going to look like. The first emoji that flipped around for me was the jagged heart split into two equal halves. If they switched out that 4 for a 3, they wouldContinue reading “Birthdays In Heaven”

The reason why we can’t let go is because deep inside we still have hope. Unknown I’ve been holding onto him for a while now, keeping him alive so that I don’t have to feel the depth of his loss. By convincing myself he’s still here, I don’t have to feel the pain his deathContinue reading “It’s Time to Let You Go”

A lot has happened recently, most of which has taken just about everything I have to give. I have been drained, I have felt like a monster and a horrible person and like I failed. I am a rubber band that just kept being tugged at until it eventually snapped. I’m tired. So very, veryContinue reading “Visiting Hours”

I am surrounded by walls, if that makes sense. Not in a literal way, like something I could walk into, but in a way that makes it difficult for people to get to know me. At least, the version of me that I truly love and adore. I am a very heavily guarded individual. ItContinue reading “A Boxed Heart”

Disclaimer: I am doing much better. I am okay. This was just a rough night. Can I send a message to heaven? Please? I need to talk to him. I need to see him. Please. I will do anything. Just let me get a message to him. I want him to know that I’m hurtingContinue reading “A Message to Heaven”

Vulnerability has never been my strongest suite and I’m not ashamed to admit that. Because while I may seem like an open book online, that couldn’t be further from the truth in person. I have, from the beginning, had a difficult time falling apart in they eyes other people. I would hide the tears asContinue reading “Why Do I Do This to Myself?”

Why did you forget about me? ——————————— I’ve never been one to hold a grudge. If anything, I am too much of pacifist to resent the people who have caused me harm. I don’t enjoy dwelling on the moments that have hurt me; I don’t want my feet to always be planted where they willContinue reading “The “Ugly” Side”

I find myself wondering why the universe makes the decisions that they do. Do they have a special process that we humans cannot understand? Is that why, after almost 4 years, the sadness still rings true? Because my mind cannot accept why he had to suffer a battle that was virtually impossible to win. WhenContinue reading “To Those Who May Need it”

If there is one thing that I am asking for from the universe, it is to let her be happy. Don’t shower her with fears and anxiety. Don’t yank at the strings of her heart until they snap. Allow for her to grow and blossom. Teach her to walk her own path and embrace everyContinue reading “Dear Diary,”

I used to wish for a loving family and a successful future. I wanted to write books and tv shows, live in a beautiful home surrounded by flowers and greenery. Lead a simple, yet adventurous life. I still wish for those things. But now, I wish for his health and happiness as much as IContinue reading “Think Before You Speak”

It’s as common a phrase as any other in the english language. But the truth is when we speak it into existence, we erase the pain and suffering of those we may not have even known. We diminish their hurt because we, ourselves, cannot understand what we have never felt. They aren’t cowards. They aren’tContinue reading “No Room for Judgement”

Disclaimer: I am doing much better now. This was written when I wasn’t. I didn’t sleep last night. I mean, I could’ve if I really tried, but the minute my screen turned later than 3:30, I knew it wasn’t happening. Never mind the fact that was my room was a million degrees and I’ve beenContinue reading “What You Don’t See”

I’ve had some time to reflect since those beginning days. I didn’t always love my actions or my quietness or the way I kept most of the pain sheltered from those closest to me. I ate too much, I didn’t sleep enough, I walked around fine when I felt so far from it. I saidContinue reading “It Isn’t Always Wanted: “Grief Phrases””

“There is a difference between goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is ‘I’ll see you again when I’m ready to hold your hand & when you’re ready to hold mine.’ Letting go is ‘I’ll miss your hand. I realized it’s not mine to hold and I will never hold it again…’” -Unknown I felt a tearContinue reading “I wish, I wish, I wish”

Change. The thing we want to run from, but never seem to get enough of a head start. The most silent, yet debilitating part of grief; the wound creator. I have never liked the aspects of the 6-letter word. We’re all fed the bullshit: without change, there is no growth. And that’s true, in aContinue reading “Change, Change, and More Change”

I don’t always know how to deal with life’s hardest moments. I get angry and I fall apart and all those are normal, yes, but is shedding a tear really helping to heal all of my deep wounds? I am really, really sad right now, guys. My heart is in shambles and I am strugglingContinue reading “A Broken Heart Always Hurts Worse”

Let me just preface by saying that this was written when I was in a bad place (I am much, much better now). I had a shitty day and this is how I chose to cope. The hardest part of desire is wanting what can never be given. You tell yourself that the impossible is,Continue reading “Holding On and Letting Go”

Didn’t think I would be back here so quickly. But here I am. Struggling. Hurting. Watching myself fade. Crying. Not sleeping. Laying awake, wondering, “why me, Universe? What have I done to you now?” I am angry. And I am broken. But more than anything, I am so tired. For the past 6 months, IContinue reading “I Feel Nothing”

This an essay that I wrote a few months ago, just for me. I never really planned on sharing it, but I think it captures the multiple essences of what depression is like. Enjoy. Sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart. William C. HannanContinue reading “Depression Tastes So Sweet”

I thought I was going to die. Laying on that floor, my ankle cut open from the glass, my mom sobbing and my sister on the phone with 911, I thought: this is it. This is the end. But somewhere through the fear, a tear of acceptance reached my lips. If this was truly theContinue reading “Not Yet, Heaven”

Please enjoy! IMAGES ARE FROM CANVA PREMIUM

My favorite podcast in the world is called, “Whine Down,” and it is hosted by country singer and actress Jana Kramer. Kramer, who is a mom of two, explores life after her very public divorce to her lying, cheating, narcissistic (you can clearly tell I hate the man) husband. She dives deep into pain, grief,Continue reading “Podcast Points”

Always remember, even on the days that it hurts so damn badly, to breathe. IMAGES ARE FROM CANVA PREMIUM

Come check three of my favorite poems. I hope you all enjoy! IMAGES ARE FROM CANVA PREMIUM

I get asked all of the time about being a twin, and I respond by saying that Lex and I are close, but that we are just like every other pair of siblings. But the truth is, our relationship and our bond is so far different from others. We complete one another. We keep eachContinue reading “We are Forever (Happy Birthday)”

IMAGES ARE FROM CANVA PREMIUM When we are not honest with ourselves, we are causing our body harm. When we suppress our grief, we are essentially piling our feelings onto one another, making each heavier. Too many nights I have laid in my bed all alone, exhausting my body by drowning it in tears. IContinue reading “Hurting the Sacred”

All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never realize how broken you really are. I hurt. I cry. I shatter. I fall apart. I have days where I pray so hard I am afraid g-d may have stopped listening. I think people have this notion ofContinue reading “I Fall Apart Too”