I don’t always know how to deal with life’s hardest moments. I get angry and I fall apart and all those are normal, yes, but is shedding a tear really helping to heal all of my deep wounds?
I am really, really sad right now, guys. My heart is in shambles and I am struggling on how to clean up all of my broken pieces.
I don’t have the energy to try and repair what I constantly find myself having to glue back together. All it does it break and hurt and come undone.
I wish that I can save everyone. But I can’t. I can’t save everyone. I can’t repair all the souls out there who have convinced themselves that they are too far gone. I can’t hold all the hands of those who hide their pain because they are too ashamed to admit that they are not okay.
And that truth is one I struggle to live with.
I don’t want other people out there to suffer like I have. Because, let me tell you, that agony of waking up every morning praying to g-d that you don’t wake up to see the next is unbearable. It’s a nightmare having to walk side by side with questions that do not come with answers.
I am constantly haunted by my pain. It keeps me up at night. It sucks the happiness from my blood and leaves me in a ghost-like trance. And knowing that the are other little girls out there who will understand a pain very similar to mine is agonizing. I wouldn’t wish my life on my greatest enemy.
I want to take the time to dedicate this post to the Holker-Boss family. tWitch brought so much light into my life with his infectious energy and smile and his razor-sharp dance moves. He and his wife Allison’s videos filled my heart with the type of joy I wish to receive again down the road.
To tWitch’s beautiful wife and three children, even if you never see this, just know that my heart is with you. My love is dedicated to you all and I am so sorry that this has happened to your family. I wish more than anything that this nightmare was just that and not reality. No one should know this type of pain. It isn’t normal. But my soul is with you every step of the way.
And to tWitch, I am so sorry that your body had been plagued with so many demons. It hurts me deeply to come to the realization that the universe did not treat you with the love you so greatly earned and deserved. I hope and pray that you are now able to find peace and light. Even though I did not receive the pleasure of meeting you, I will miss you forever as if I did.