Category Archives: Uncategorized

Disclaimer: I am doing much better now. This was written when I wasn’t. I didn’t sleep last night. I mean, I could’ve if I really tried, but the minute my screen turned later than 3:30, I knew it wasn’t happening. Never mind the fact that was my room was a million degrees and I’ve beenContinue reading “What You Don’t See”

I’ve had some time to reflect since those beginning days. I didn’t always love my actions or my quietness or the way I kept most of the pain sheltered from those closest to me. I ate too much, I didn’t sleep enough, I walked around fine when I felt so far from it. I saidContinue reading “It Isn’t Always Wanted: “Grief Phrases””

“There is a difference between goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is ‘I’ll see you again when I’m ready to hold your hand & when you’re ready to hold mine.’ Letting go is ‘I’ll miss your hand. I realized it’s not mine to hold and I will never hold it again…’” -Unknown I felt a tearContinue reading “I wish, I wish, I wish”

Change. The thing we want to run from, but never seem to get enough of a head start. The most silent, yet debilitating part of grief; the wound creator. I have never liked the aspects of the 6-letter word. We’re all fed the bullshit: without change, there is no growth. And that’s true, in aContinue reading “Change, Change, and More Change”

I don’t always know how to deal with life’s hardest moments. I get angry and I fall apart and all those are normal, yes, but is shedding a tear really helping to heal all of my deep wounds? I am really, really sad right now, guys. My heart is in shambles and I am strugglingContinue reading “A Broken Heart Always Hurts Worse”

Let me just preface by saying that this was written when I was in a bad place (I am much, much better now). I had a shitty day and this is how I chose to cope. The hardest part of desire is wanting what can never be given. You tell yourself that the impossible is,Continue reading “Holding On and Letting Go”

Didn’t think I would be back here so quickly. But here I am. Struggling. Hurting. Watching myself fade. Crying. Not sleeping. Laying awake, wondering, “why me, Universe? What have I done to you now?” I am angry. And I am broken. But more than anything, I am so tired. For the past 6 months, IContinue reading “I Feel Nothing”

This an essay that I wrote a few months ago, just for me. I never really planned on sharing it, but I think it captures the multiple essences of what depression is like. Enjoy. Sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart. William C. HannanContinue reading “Depression Tastes So Sweet”

I thought I was going to die. Laying on that floor, my ankle cut open from the glass, my mom sobbing and my sister on the phone with 911, I thought: this is it. This is the end. But somewhere through the fear, a tear of acceptance reached my lips. If this was truly theContinue reading “Not Yet, Heaven”

Please enjoy!

My favorite podcast in the world is called, “Whine Down,” and it is hosted by country singer and actress Jana Kramer. Kramer, who is a mom of two, explores life after her very public divorce to her lying, cheating, narcissistic (you can clearly tell I hate the man) husband. She dives deep into pain, grief,Continue reading “Podcast Points”

Always remember, even on the days that it hurts so damn badly, to breathe.

Come check three of my favorite poems. I hope you all enjoy!

I get asked all of the time about being a twin, and I respond by saying that Lex and I are close, but that we are just like every other pair of siblings. But the truth is, our relationship and our bond is so far different from others. We complete one another. We keep eachContinue reading “We are Forever (Happy Birthday)”

When we are not honest with ourselves, we are causing our body harm. When we suppress our grief, we are essentially piling our feelings onto one another, making each heavier. Too many nights I have laid in my bed all alone, exhausting my body by drowning it in tears. I have cried my mind toContinue reading “Hurting the Sacred”

All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never realize how broken you really are. I hurt. I cry. I shatter. I fall apart. I have days where I pray so hard I am afraid g-d may have stopped listening. I think people have this notion ofContinue reading “I Fall Apart Too”

It is not a sin  to desire peace  so, the next time  you go to say  someone committed suicide  think of what they died for.  -died BY suicide 

I have come to realize that there are a lot of wrongful assumptions about suicide, or people who die by suicide. In some cultures, it is considered a sin, a crime even. In others, it is considered to be a cowardice decision stemming from anxiety about receiving help. I am here to tell you thatContinue reading “Changing the way we View Suicide”

the process of healing does not end when the wounds are no longer visible; it ends when the wounds no longer ache. I place my value in how others perceive me,  and I know I shouldn’t.   Those people have no understanding  of what I have survived.  They cannot grasp that  faking a smile  takes moreContinue reading “Poem about Healing”

You are constantly touching me, Running your fingers all over my body  When I am too weak to pull them from my skin.   You lay the tip of the pointer finger on my cheek,  Grazing it softly,  Devouring the softness of my armor.   You say you love me,  But then go ahead and hurt   TheContinue reading “Poem About a Selfish Heart”

You burned me, left my heart on fire, and my skin scorched, begging for mercy. You bloodied my wounds, and then doused them in salt, all in the reality of your broken words. You told me we would be back one day when I was old enough to get drunk without fear of being exposed.Continue reading “Broken Promises (Poem)”

The man was in pain, and had been for a long time. He had been drowning in silent sorrows, fighting to keep himself from sinking. Now, he no longer yielded the strength. Before his impending, inescapable death, he held his daughter’s face in his hands, whispering through tears and sobs, that he loved her dearly,Continue reading “To My Father After His Suicide”

“My scars tell a story. They are a reminder of times where life tried to break me, but failed. They are markings of where the structure of my character was welded.”-Steve Maraboli I think that some of us wish our scars away for the sake of fear regarding what others may think. Oh, if sheContinue reading “Strength In Scars”

The heart of my soul spewed gusts of red. Shards sliced through numbness, leaving me all alone in a field of sorrow. Black Dahlia’s shot angrily from the ground, wrapping its stems around my bruised skin. I kicked and flailed, hollered and wailed, their sickening breath taunting me. With my feet shackled to the ground,Continue reading “The Black Dahlia(Poem)”

When I was at work the day before the two year anniversary of my father’s passing, I tried to sew a word onto what these past several years have been like. Sure, they were the most challenging years I have ever had to experience and came with more heartbreak and anger than I knew myContinue reading “Inside Dylan’s Mind”

With the one year anniversary of, We Got This, coming up, I thought that it was only fitting to bring you another vulnerable post. Please enjoy!

I am not one to easily admit that they are struggling. I am not someone who lets her walls down without much thought or anticipation of what could possibly occur. I think of myself as a very reserved and even shy person until I feel comfortable enough to let another in. I never understood why,Continue reading “The Time is Now”

Grief can creep up behind you when you would least expect it to. That is most likely because your deceased loved one is never not on your mind. My father’s memory replays in my head over and over again, everywhere I go. There is no mute button, no way to forget, even for a second,Continue reading “GRIEF, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE”

She ran her fingers down the bodice of her dress, as she walked along the soil, her bare toes deep in the mouth of the earth. The moon whispered a soft hello, and a firefly landed on the bridge of her nose.  It was so beautiful, the night,  full of bright stars and sleepy animals,Continue reading “A Special Birthday Cento (Poem)”

It is true that you cannot fully understand the vicious pain and suffering that a person mourning the loss of a loved one is going through, unless your feet have been in similar shoes. As my mom mentioned, you cannot say to a widowed mother that they are not alone when you kiss your husbandContinue reading “WHERE DID SHE GO?”

Courageous. Audacious. Gallant. Daring. Dashing. All of these words I just listed are synonyms for the word, “Brave.” Lately, I have forced myself to wear this term a little more on my sleeve. Sure, I am brave for putting my personal feelings out there for millions of people worldwide to read, but I did thatContinue reading “BRAVE AF”

I am a writer, so my mind is always thinking and formulating new ideas: TV shows, movies, books, poems and posts. People have told me for years that they would love to be inside my brain, even if for a day. Honestly, if that were possible, people would learn about every celebrity on planet EarthContinue reading “SHOWERS AND LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS”

Growing up, I have always loved deep, meaningful quotes. As a reader, writer, and avid listener of music, words and lyrics have been my greatest comfort. I have always claimed to be better with words than I have been with numbers, because for me, words flow very easily and smoothly. One day I was scrollingContinue reading “THERE IS COMFORT IN WORDS”

Lately, the gift of sleep has been a sinking ship. Every night, I lay awake in bed, wait for my mom to close her eyes, and then I unleash the many emotions that have been infecting my body. The warm tears start traveling to my lips, my nose starts to clog, and suddenly it feelsContinue reading “WHEN WILL THIS END?”

There are 24 hours, 1,440 minutes, and 86,400 seconds in a day. If you think about it, there is an infinite amount of possibilities that can take place in such a vast period of time.  The day my father died, my sister and I had a two-hour tennis clinic at Crestmont Country Club. A fewContinue reading “THE START OF A WHOLE NEW BEGINNING”

Most mornings, especially in the beginning, the idea of sleeping the day away was both appealing and comforting. I had no motivation to face the world in which his presence was only here in spirit, and there was also a strong force of fear breathing down my neck. I was petrified to walk the earthContinue reading “SHOULDN’T THERE BE A SEAT FOR HIM AT THAT TABLE?”

Since the day that he passed, I have carried around an insurmountable amount of regret and guilt for not verbalizing the red flag that occurred inside my head. For not noticing that the silent demons he was facing and not being able to save him.  In the days before he ended his life, I couldContinue reading “LIVING LIFE WITH REGRET AND GUILT”

This post hits home obviously, for many reasons, and each time I think about this topic, anger begins to boil inside of me. Mental illness is a real, raw, painful thing that millions of people experience around the world. It is not a topic to be discussed lightly or to be made into some formContinue reading “MENTAL HEALTH IS NOT A JOKE!”

Jealously, a feeling that I am oh so familiar with, one that has kept me from moving forward and has put a strain on many relationships. This feeling noticed an opening in my life and decided to fulfill that position, much to my dismay.  When I heard the news that my father had taken hisContinue reading “LET’S TALK JEALOUSY”