When I first started thinking about writing this post, I tried coming up with all of these fancy and clever titles because I really wanted to draw people to this post. I wanted to make people want to read what I have to say. After going back and forth in my head, I realized that this simple, vague title would have to suffice.
I would never try and act as if I have all of the answers on how to deal with loss because I really don’t. I only try and write my experiences and my beliefs, but I do not have everything figured out. Each and everyday, I am learning, adapting and growing.
The one year anniversary of my father’s passing is coming up in a few days and to be completely honest and transparent, I am scared out of my mind. I have no idea what that day is going to entail and what emotions are going to be brought to the surface. That day might just feel like another day or it can be so horrible. What I do know is that I just want the anticipation to be over. I have spent the entire month telling myself that in just a few weeks, it will be exactly 365 days since I have seen my father.
I remember thinking about the one year mark the day of the one month mark. At this point, October 29th, 2020, just seemed so far out of reach. There was still so much life to experience until then. Freshman year had just begun, I had my job for only a few months, and Christmas break was barely around the corner.
I have had to face many milestones throughout the past year: some great, others terrible, but each milestone has brought me strength. The thing about anniversaries and birthdays and holidays is that to move forward, you have to go through them. I must experience the one year anniversary of my father’s unfortunate death, so that I can say that I made it past that shitty day.
If anyone has anything major coming up in their life, whether it is related to loss or not, just know that I am rooting for each and everyone of you. Never again do I want you to feel like you are alone and that there is no one who understands what you are going through because I am here. Yes, everyone grieves differently, but I know what it feels like to lose someone who made your life feel like it was worth living. Please recognize how special you are and how much your presence makes this world a much safer place. The experiences we are forced to face are only part of our story; they are not the finished copy.