COMFORT STATEMENTS ARE NOT ALWAYS SO COMFORTING

For many, many months after my father passed away, my home was flooded with friends and family making sure my mom, my sister, and I ate and that we were doing “okay.” Big trays of mac & cheese, chicken fingers, french fries, salads, wraps, cookies, cakes, and candy, were constantly being sent to us, as you can imagine my mom did not have it in her to cook. Hundreds of people showed up for my family, it was truly like something out of a movie. Each time someone new came, they would tell me how sorry they were for our loss. I would nod and say thank you because what else was I supposed to say? As kind as people were (and I do not take any of the love I have received for granted), the “comfort” statements were definitely starting to wear on me. I was sick of people telling me that I would be okay. I could not fathom the idea of “easier” days ahead or that he would always be looking down on me. I so badly wanted to scream, “how, how will the days not suck as much? How will he be protecting me when he isn’t here? What choice do I have but to go through this?” Everyone was saying the same things over and over again to the point that they lost their meaning. What I realized looking back was that people really had no idea how to approach me. After all, I was a 14 ½ year old girl whose father had ended his life. People wanted to make me feel better, but I think deep down, they knew that their apologetic statements were not going to rid me of the pain I was feeling. I do not condemn them for trying, though, and I will continue to be beyond blessed for all of the outpouring of love my family had continued to receive. To anyone who is at the beginning of their grieving process, I want to tell you that there are no shortcuts to mend your broken heart. Healing takes time, but believe me, I wish there was a quick fix. People are going to use general statements to try and help you because they do not know what to say to you. I know it can be frustrating, but just try and remember that people have good intentions. Time is the most powerful healer.

2 thoughts on “COMFORT STATEMENTS ARE NOT ALWAYS SO COMFORTING

  1. Dylan- you are a beautiful soul and an unbelievable writer. Using your experience to help others is amazing. I wish you success in all that you do!
    Xoxo
    Stacy Bernstein

    Like

  2. Be so thankful you had your Dad as long as you did. My husband died at 35…back in 1998 when my children were 3 and twins 2. They never knew their Daddy,,,only what I told them. It is still hard even today.

    May God be with you, I know you are trying to build your life again….I get that, wholeheartedly.

    I have never reached out on social media but want you to know….there are people that get it!!

    Like

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