Disclaimer: I am doing much better. I am okay. This was just a rough night.
Can I send a message to heaven? Please? I need to talk to him. I need to see him. Please. I will do anything. Just let me get a message to him.
I want him to know that I’m hurting right now. That there’s an ache in my chest and I feel like I am missing a part of me. Only it just so happens that I know exactly where it is, and yet I can’t get it back.
I’m trying not to wake up Ava because it isn’t fair to her if I do. But I can’t help the tears from falling. I devote my energy to doing just that pretty much all day long and I’m tired. I’m tired from fighting my own unraveling.
I didn’t realize heartbreak could be felt in the bones, but somehow it can because it’s like someone’s taken a hammer to each and every one. I’m so uncomfortable right now.
He needs to know all of this because he needs to recognize how much I’ve fallen apart. Grief doesn’t go away, it isn’t something we can outgrow. I need my father to hold my hand even with his ghostly one.
I pray he’s with me the way I like to think he is because if not, then I don’t know what benefit there is for me to get out of bed every morning and brave the world surrounding me.
-1:53 AM Thoughts

We Got This 
He will always be with you. In all of your memories but you have MANY people and reasons to wake up everyday. Especially your mom and your sister. I lost my dad at a Young age as well. He had a problem with alcohol. This was their journey. Not ours. Our journey is to live our best life regardless of our losses!!! I bet there are so many things you can do in his memory to honor him!!! 🌺🌺🌺🌸🌸🌸🌸
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I love your posts and the way you write. A true gift that I am glad you are using not only to express yourself but to help others. I share your blog with students at my job who are going through similar situations, and it is helpful and relatable for them. I also wish we could send messages to heaven. I haven’t seen you guys in a while but I miss and love you all. Sending hugs ❤️❤️.
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Hi Dylan! You may not remember me but I’m Jill, from 2022 October CZC in Jersey!!! I miss you!
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