To Those Who May Need it

I find myself wondering why the universe makes the decisions that they do. Do they have a special process that we humans cannot understand? Is that why, after almost 4 years, the sadness still rings true? Because my mind cannot accept why he had to suffer a battle that was virtually impossible to win.

When I hear about a loss or a death, it hits me harder than it used to. It isn’t that I somehow grew a bigger heart overnight, but because the shared relatability I now have with another person is beyond the pain of a rug burn or a bee sting. It’s a million tiny screams of a broken heart shattering.

It’s the club no one wants to be in, but if you find yourself there, then I hope you understand that at a point, the deep, deep ache that is squeezing you oh so tight will subside. It doesn’t go away, boy did I wish it would, but it also doesn’t always make it so damn hard to manage a single breath.

For a five letter word, grief holds a lot of weight. It changes lives, it invites itself in homes that already have a full table, it steals sleep from those who already don’t really have any. But even on the days where it is all of those things and 1000 more, it doesn’t win. Because in order for a victory, it has to break you so badly that you cannot possibly get up. And yet you do. You show the universe that even though it did something unspeakable, you’re still standing. Even if on one toe.

That doesn’t mean that some days don’t suck ass. Because they do. And sometimes our bravest faces are transparent, and show the true emotions underneath. It’s easy to not want to keep going when we feel like we don’t have anything to live for anymore.

I encourage you to find something good, even in the bad. If we can will ourselves to explore and seek out those silver linings, we might be able to give ourselves a little bit of peace. Maybe even a slight smile too.

And perhaps there is a limit to the grieving that the human heart can do. As when one adds salt to a tumbler of water, there comes a point where simply no more will be absorbed.

Sarah Waters

Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was a great love.

The only cure to grief is to grieve.

Earl Grollman

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.

Rumi

As we comprehend this profound loss, let yourself cry knowing each tear is a note of love rising to the heavens.

If you don’t feel your best today, allow yourself that space. This is hard. You don’t have to process this all at once.