Think Before You Speak

I used to wish for a loving family and a successful future. I wanted to write books and tv shows, live in a beautiful home surrounded by flowers and greenery. Lead a simple, yet adventurous life.

I still wish for those things. But now, I wish for his health and happiness as much as I do my own.

It’s isn’t an easy thing to have dreams that you have to wait for an eternity to find out if they come true. It isn’t like I can just dial up heaven’s number and ask. Years and years and years have to go by for me to witness what I’ve been praying to god for all this time.

Grief is a never ending cycle; we know that. It ebbs and flows; it rains and pours. You could drink the whole damn world and your mind still wouldn’t completely forget the burning sensation that are tear-filled eyes riddled with pain.

I am not the type of person who enjoys confrontation, but I will engage in education. Especially when it comes to loss. I do not have all the answers, but my job is to do my best.

Being sensitive to someone’s journey is one of the greatest gifts you could give a griever. Putting yourself in their shoes, even if only a toe, means more than you may believe.

I wrote a post a few months ago about phrases that you shouldn’t say to a person who has lost a loved one. I could’ve gone on and on, but I am not looking to create robots. I am not here to make anyone feel like they have to walk on eggshells because I, myself, have never wanted people to treat me differently. Now, do I want people to be cautious about certain things? Of course I do. The last thing I need is someone using suicide phrases or making their fathers’ presence obvious around me, but I understand I can’t control other people. Nor do I want to.

I’ve got enough on my plate.

I have friends who have told me that people aren’t conscious towards their loss, and it saddens me. It hurts me and it breaks my heart.

It’s a shitty position to be in. It doesn’t feel good and it’s uncomfortable and it is so incredibly triggering. What you think may be small just may be the very thing that keeps a person up at night.

Similar to, It Isn’t Always Wanted: Grief Phrases, we need to think about our actions before we engage. Maybe it isn’t the best idea to FaceTime your father in front of your friend who doesn’t have one. Or to say you love your daughter when the people surrounding her haven’t heard that from their parent in a long time.

No one is perfect, but doesn’t mean we cannot grow and be aware of who we are speaking to. Believe me, grievers aren’t usually forgetful people.