To Be Me (Poem)

After Meg Kearney

I believe in a vulnerable state of mind, but never being

in a vulnerable state of mind. I have seen too much with my very

own eyes to let someone inside of my guarded castle. The knights I

have selected are not allowed to betray my trust. I believe in

spreading kindness like glittery fairy dust, I always carry 

a small packet in my denim pocket. I am happy to refill someone else’s

denim pocket, even if it is usually empty. Kindness should be earned,

not rewarded, but some rules are meant to be broken.

I believe in the power of music, of the healing, slow-paced lyrics,

the ones that nestle their head on your wounded heart. In my mind,

I see my father fumbling with the radio and then jamming

along with Kenny Chesney or Old Dominion, his

happiness afloat in the air. I miss that side of him,

the unbroken, maskless warrior he used to be.

I believe in missing someone wholeheartedly, but also

allowing yourself to miss the person you used to be. Unless

my mirror came damaged, I have not resembled that naive girl

for some time now.  I believe in mascara tears on pillowcases.

After all, some tears are in our souls forever.

I do believe in grace, but broken hearts are not always so willing

to see past the agony caused. Shards are sharp and can cut

much deeper than one may have intended.

I do not believe in revenge for it is a sin, but

aren’t we all sinners? Haven’t we all sinned?

However, I believe in learning from

our wrongdoings, which starts with taking responsibility

for the mistakes that we have made. Faults allow for human growth. Kind

of like how water and sunlight allow a flower to break free from the ground. 

I believe that we are always protected, even by

the things we cannot see. I like to think that a special

angel is looking down on me, making sure I am safe. I believe

in moving forward, but not fully moving on. The memories my father and I have shared

have provided me with too much comfort and warmth to let them go. I believe

in being my true, authentic self, and never letting anyone

dictate who I am supposed to become.